We All Got "The Sex Talk" Didn't We?

Everyone’s seen at least one of the many scenes in movies and TV shows where the nervous kid experiencing the first signs of puberty listens with a mixture of horror and curiosity to a parent’s awkward explanation of “the birds and the bees.” It is a mainstream assumption throughout America that every good parent initiates this session of warning and fact giving to prepare their child for the complexities of the sex-filled world we live in. But is this assumption true? And if it is in some cases true, what kind of parent-to-child communication is most often taking place surrounding the topic of sex? What other resources do most kids turn to when the sex communication line is not initiated by a parental figure?

            The other day I had a conversation with four or five of my close friends about our parents’ openness in communicating with us about sex and sex education during middle school and high school. Someone asked whether the rest of us had been given “The Talk” by one or both of our parents. Coming from fairly liberal households and family values that stressed building deep and meaningful relationships with our parents, we were all a little surprised to learn that none of us had really built any form of open conversations about sex with our parents. In fact, that, with the exception of the occasional warning to make sure the parents of our boyfriends or girlfriends parents were home, or to keep our bedroom doors open when a significant other was visiting, we had not learned anything we now know about the complexity of navigating sex life directly from our parents.

            A fair amount of research has been done on the different kinds of sex education middle and high school kids are getting in the U.S. and the effects that a variety of communication types has had on the health of a young person’s sex life. While almost every public high school requires it’s students to take a sexual education class before graduating, many of the programs kids are exposed to use a limited set of scare tactics to indorse abstinence and paint a picture of sex as deviant and bad prior to having a stable relationship or marriage. It is rare, today, to find a high school class setting in which teens learn the extent of the rights they have over their own bodies, are adequately informed about contraceptives, are fostered in developing a sense of self-worth and healthy desire, and are encouraged to question the figure of knowledge and authority in the room. 

            So, if this healthy environment of learning and communicating is not being created in schools, it is even more crucial that it be a part of teen’s relationships with their parental figures. A study reported by USA Today stated that of the 2,000 parents questioned about the number of times they have talked with their teens about sex, almost 50% said they talked with their kids very regularly. However, when the teens, themselves, were questioned only about 25% agreed with their parent’s answer. The remaining kids questioned felt that their parents rarely or never addressed topics of sexuality, and that even when they did it was only to advise against all forms of sexual activity. Studies have also shown that when positive lines of communication are opened between kids and their parental figures, teens are less likely to suffer negative psychological experiences related to sexual interactions. Having a rounded base of knowledge about the many dimensions of sex from someone under their own roof also gives teens a valuable resource that helps prevent them from making sexual decisions backed only by peer pressure or friend advice.

             A recent article in often-read Seventeen Magazine took a different approach to bridging the gap between parents and kids and creating conversations about sex. The article, aimed at an audience between 12 and 17, suggests that if you are a teen feeling frustrated, or wishing to communicate with your parents about problems you are having or questions you need answered, you (the teen) should take the first steps to opening up these doors. Seventeen goes on to lay out a complete week-by-week guide to introducing sex as a topic of constructive and two-way conversation with your parents.

             

            There are also many resources available advising parents on the best ways to talk with their children about sex. These resources offer suggest initiating conversations that feel open, inviting and comfortable, rather than the awkward and tense explanation of human body parts and the origin of babies. Communication about sex with parents can be a crucial and shaping part of a person’s early exploration of a sex life. First and foremost, conversations about sex between parents and teens must happen more often, but in addition, in a way that does not feel accusatory or belittling to the child.

-Hannah B. 

  

Sources:

How Parents, Teens Talk About Sex

This article reported on a study done on frequency and content of communication between parents adn their teenage children about sex and sex education. 

http://www.usatoday.com/

Talking To Your Parents About Sex

"Seventeen" offers an article urging teens to open lines of communication with their parents and offers suggestions for initiating conversations about sex-related topics.

http://www.seventeen.com/health/tips/sex-parents-hsp-0404

Communication About Sexual Issues: Mothers, Fathers, and Friends

Science Direct reports a study done evaluating the role that gender plays in parent-child conversations about sex, as well as the role that peers play in an adolescent's sex education.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1054139X98001153

The Talk Image

http://bestdemotivationalposters.com/the-talk-father-and-son/

Cartoon Image

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=cartoons+of+birds+and+bees+talk&um